Monday, January 08, 2007

The Best Thing Since Sliced Chicken Breast

Charlie ate a sliced chicken breast sandwich! He ... (tears) ate ... (more tears) sliced chicken (sobbing now) breast! Maybe you didn't hear me. Charlie ate a sandwich comprised of SLICED CHICKEN BREAST!!!!

Big friggin' deal you may be saying. My kid just ate lamb brain, you may be saying. Woop de doo, you may be saying.

OK, background information.

Charlie has one free food. One. White American cheese. For my non-diabetic visitors, that means a food that has little or no effect on his blood sugar. Since tiny teeth emerged from his gums and since a day when he sat in his own urine, his lunch choice has been simply square slabs of white American cheese. He has had roughly 1,255 cheese sandwiches for lunch in a row. A streak that looked like it would never be broken. And when he was hungry but too high to eat anything, American cheese was our only snack option as well. I could do siding on my house three times over with the amount of cheese he's eaten. I wouldn't of course. Just saying I could. Well, I couldn't, but a contractor could. A very, very desperate contractor.

Over three and a half years, it's difficult to keep things interesting. Cheese sandwich cut in triangles. Cheese sandwich cut in rectangles. Cheese sandwich cut in diamonds, clubs, hearts, spades. Cheese sandwich cut in the shape of a cross (God bless this sandwich), peace sign, Blogger logo. Cheese sandwiches stacked like a tower, angled like a teepee, ascending like a staircase.

Charlie won't eat anything. And he's cunning. If you try too hard, you've lost the sale. Jello, a favorite free food for many diabetics, was one that got away. Ha! Look at it Charlie. Look how it wobbles! Look how it jiggles! Isn't it awesome? Man, it's awesome! What does it taste like? It's like a cherry lollypop only better. It wiggles. It dances. Can you believe it? Food that dances? And I'll let you in on a little secret, but don't tell anyone. Darth Vader likes Jello. Try it. Try it! TRY IT!

He stuck his finger it. Took one nibble and then passed. I overdid it. Opportunity wasted.

Charlie says "blech," and "ewww" and "yuck" and holds his nose while even the most glorious aromas are wafting throughout the house. I'm not talking brussels sprouts here folks. Home made apple pie. Thanksgiving turkey. Ribeye steak. I'm telling you he's a superfreak, superfreak, he's super freaky.

So, imagine my joy when Charlie just very unceremoniously decided to sample a small sliver of sliced chicken breast. The verdict came back with a thumbs up and a smile.

Even better, he didn't charge us his normal "trying something new" fee of $5.


At 2:07 PM, Blogger Kerri. said...

Congrats to Charlie for letting the Cheese Train roll through untouched in favor of the Chicken Trolley. (I think I may have taken that too far. It's almost laughable. Hang on, it is laughable. I just laughed.)

Tell him Larry Bird eats Jell-O. And then show him the clip of the Chuck Person "Merry Christmas" jump shot. He'll be a believer. ;)

At 2:17 PM, Blogger Chops said...

You should tell him that Jello tastes like chicken.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Scott K. Johnson said...


You all are too funny!

Isn't Jello one of those foods that tastes like whatever you say it tastes like?

"Yes Charlie, it's cheese flavored Jello..."

At 2:57 PM, Blogger Poet with a Day Job said...

Sweet! I love this story, and thank God for the chicken cutlet! Thank him every day!

At 6:12 PM, Blogger Chris said...

See..this is why i look forward to your posts! Your Charlie is the best and i love that name too. YOu definately have a blogwritingposting nack.

Emma's vice is yogurt. And luckily it is not totally free. I will not tell you how much she likes cheese then we may have to start plannig a wedding for the two. Imagine all the cheese there?

At 6:28 PM, Blogger Penny said...

I got lucky. Riley will eat ANYTHING.

Great post. It had me laughing all the way through (especially the super freak reference)

At 6:51 PM, Blogger Kassie said...

Excellent. I appreciate the $5 fee. That's the going rate for quite a few things in our household!

At 12:15 AM, Blogger Sasha said...

Congratulations! I know how diffucult it can be to make a child eat some products, especially when he's not alowed all the choices.

When I was little, my mom was told that carrots could be used as free food, I still can't eat carrots in any form or shape.

It's a very funny post, I enjoyed it a lot!

At 4:49 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

This got me laughing.

Although a PB&J sandwich isn't a free food, it is a lunch Brendon requested and ate EVERY. SINGLE. DAY for lunch for the past 4 years.

Just last week, he said he was sick of PB&J and wanted something else.

Not only that, but he hated the texture of Jello and never ate it....until last week. Now he can't get enough of it.

I think the universe has flipped upside down.

At 6:23 AM, Blogger Minnesota Nice said...

Little victories can be so very precious.
Go Charlie!

At 4:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yay for charlie!!!

At 6:32 PM, Blogger Paige said...

Thank you. In the midst of the crappiest week of my entire life, this made me laugh.


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