Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Hopefully His Blah Blahs Will Be More Blah

I appreciate that friends ask routinely how Charlie is doing. I really do. I just don't know what to say anymore. I really don't know how he's doing.

"Well, he's not so good right this minute, but in 45 minutes to an hour he should be fine. Later tonight he'll be bad again for a while, but come morning, he should be good."

There's no short answer. There's no "fine" or "OK." I'm just tired of the long answer - hearing myself repeat the same thing every time someone asks.

"Well we have our blah blahs and our blah blahs. Today is a blah blah. Hopefully, now that he's on the blah, his blah blahs will be more blah."

At the playground the other day, Charlie hopped off his bike for a pit stop and a blood sugar check. He was 55. I gave him 4 ounces of grape juice and a couple crackers. Not too uncommon.

Charlie finished quickly and hopped back on his bike, pumping his small muscular legs to catch up to his sister who was rounding the far corner of the oval path. I stare at Charlie as he pedals. I zoom in on him closer. Closer. I stare with X-ray vision into his skin, down his esophagus and to his stomach. I scan his organs. What's it doing, I wonder. What's going on in there? Did his blood sugar slam the brakes with a screech and reverse direction when the juice came flowing in? Is he 75 now? Is he 40?

How many other dads at the playground are staring into their children's insides with X-ray vision while they play?

One night last week Charlie peed in his bed. I peeled off his wet pajamas and walked him into the bathroom. With no clothing for Charlie to fasten to, I held his pump and walked behind him like he was a dog on a leash. Charlie was whimpering and half-asleep throughout the whole episode. Seemed surreal.

I really don't know how he's doing.


At 9:21 AM, Blogger Poet with a Day Job said...

That's so classically difficult, trying to answer the old "how's he doing" when it just is something that is a part of him. When I start feeling that way about people askign that question of a particular situation, all I want to do is go play, and not think about it. You know? Just for once, have some fun and not think about it. Sounds like Charlie at the playground, back on his bike after juice, was able to do it!

At 9:39 AM, Blogger Vivian said...

Sounds like Charlie is "Charlie-esque"! He is a complicated man. lol If it helps, I often feel like you with both my bears. There are good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. You are a great parent and it is ok to get tired of it all. Charlie is a great kid and he will keep on pedaling. =)

At 10:07 AM, Blogger Shannon said...

I always get the question asking how Brendon is doing. I just say he's doing fine. It's a blanket statement because his condition is such an hour to hour thing. In general he's just fine.

I mentally examine Brendon as well when he plays.

And when he carries his pump around after a shower or bedwetting, it tugs at my heart.

I can relate to everything you wrote.

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Penny said...

I so understand where you are coming from.

When people ask how Riley is I just say "fine". It's just easier that way.

But, is he ever fine? I don't know. But, I know he's happy. Sometimes I forget how important that is.

At 10:01 PM, Blogger Scott K. Johnson said...

Hey Carey,

I was touched by this post. As you say, there really is no short answer.

People will ask "so, how's the diabetes going?".

"Well, it sucks most of the time, how are you?" just doesn't seem to be the right answer most of the time.

At 7:17 AM, Blogger Sandra Miller said...

As others have said-- I can relate so well to this post.

When people ask how Joseph is doing, I usually just tell them "fine" (which for the most part, is true).

It's hard, though.

Because even though I don't go on to explain about last night's low or this morning's unexplainable high-- those things go through my head each and every time I'm asked...

Oh, and hey-- can't tell you how often I've used my own X-ray vision...

A wonderful entry, Carey.

At 7:38 PM, Blogger Dennis said...

Because you love and care for your son with the unrelenting strength of a great parent, because sleep, peace and worriless hours belong to others while you tend to more important details of every day life as a parent of a diabetic child; Charlie is not only fine, he is blessed with a gift that he shares only with his siblings. You.

Every night I go to bed scared, not knowing what will wake me if I am fortunate enough to sleep at all,. My wie is strong and I feed off her example as I am sure she thinks I am strong and feeds off mine. We know what each is thinking but we hide from the reality and get lost in the care. My sone Kyle is better then fine he is excellent because we care and because we are strong and most importantly because he is NOT alone. As I write this blog a quick update of 294, not to worry, we are on it 24 hours a day.

It may only be my oppinion but Charlie is excellent as well and as parents you are excellent.

Be Well


At 9:06 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I relate to everything you wrote as well. Well said.
Emma is awesome. Her diabetes isn't awesome.

At 9:36 PM, Blogger Kerri. said...

Terrific post, Carey.

You made me see this through the eyes of my parents.

Man, you guys are exactly what makes us so damn strong. Thank you.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Carey said...

Thanks everyone. Consensus is that our kids are "fine." Guess I'll give it a whirl.

Dennis - Welcome to the site and thanks for stopping by. Our boys are certainly not alone. I appreciate the kind words. Do you have a blog?

Kerri - And as parents, we get to see the future through your posts. Can't put a price on that.

At 7:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate when people as how "the diabetes is" i just say ok. they mean well but grr it annoys me.


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